NANFA-- off topic but good

Nicholas J. Zarlinga (njz_at_clevelandmetroparks.com)
Sun, 14 Jul 2002 17:02:56 -0400

>Lawns & God
> >
> > GOD: Francis, you know all about gardens and
> > nature. What in the world is going on down there in
> > the USA? What happened to the dandelions, violets,
> > thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect,
> > no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow
> > in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply
> > with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting
> > blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks
> > of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of
> > colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
> >
> > ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there,
> > Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling
> > your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to
> > kill them and replace them with grass.
> >
> > GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not
> > colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees,
> > only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with
> > temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all
> > that grass growing there?
> >
> > ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to
> > great pains to grow it and keep it green. They
> > begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any
> > other plant that crops up in the lawn.
> >
> > GOD: The spring rains and warm weather
> >probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the
> > Suburbanites happy.
> >
> > ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it
> > grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week.
> >
> > GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like
> > hay?
> >
> > ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them
> > rake it up and put it in bags.
> >
> > GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do
> > they sell it?
> >
> > ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite.
> > They pay to throw it away.
> >
> > GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They
> > fertilize grass so it will grow.
> > And when it does grow, they cut it off and
> > pay to throw it away?
> >
> > ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.
> >
> > GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in
> > the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn
> > up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves
> > them a lot of work.
> >
> > ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe
> > this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they
> > drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they
> > can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
> >
> > GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some
> > of the trees. That was a sheer stoke of genius, if I
> > do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the
> > spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In
> > the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural
> > blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the
> > trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form
> > compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
> >
> > ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The
> > Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon
> > as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles
> > and pay to have them hauled away.
> >
> > GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub
> > and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and
> > loose?
> >
> > ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves,
> > they go out and buy something which they call mulch.
> > They haul it home and spread it around in place of the
> > leaves.
> >
> > GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
> >
> > ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind
> > them up to make the mulch.
> >
> > GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this
> > anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts.
> > What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
> >
> > ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's
> > a real stupid movie about ---
> >
> > GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the
> > whole story from St. Francis

Nick Zarlinga
Aquarium Biologist
Cleveland Metroparks Zoo
216-661-6500 ex 4485

"Fish worship... is it wrong??" (Ray Troll)
/-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
/"Unless stated otherwise, comments made on this list do not necessarily
/ reflect the beliefs or goals of the North American Native Fishes
/ Association"
/ This is the discussion list of the North American Native Fishes Association
/ nanfa_at_aquaria.net. To subscribe, unsubscribe, or get help, send the word
/ subscribe, unsubscribe, or help in the body (not subject) of an email to
/ nanfa-request_at_aquaria.net. For a digest version, send the command to
/ nanfa-digest-request_at_aquaria.net instead.
/ For more information about NANFA, visit our web page, http://www.nanfa.org